Who Is She?

Who am I? A question that I have been trying to figure out as you might have seen by my profile. There are the obvious definitions of me being a mother, a nurse and almost divorced, but am slowly figuring out that there is so much more and to tell you the truth I am kind of liking me. I think that sometimes we as women often give so much of ourselves to the benifit of our husbands and children that we forget to give to our own being. Forget to remember what we like and don't like. Forget sometimes how to think outside our little box called our family. And when we are forced to look at who we are deep down inside, past the laundry,making wholesome nutritious meals, playing chauffeur and so on, we have almost forgotten who we really are. At least I did.

Two and a half years ago I was placed in just that very position. I had to figure out who I was and what I was really made of, and in turn who God was inteneding me to be. And to tell you the truth I didn't like what I saw, because I was sure that I wouldn't be able to survive. I didn't think that I had what it was going to take to be the sole caregiver of my 4 kids and somehow survive financially. How would I get through the schooling that was all of a sudden so neccesary to our survival? I even though that I might have to move the kids up to Prince George to live with my mom. (can you imagine?)

This is when you probably think that after 2 1/2 years that I did have what it took and we have survived....but I will have to tell you that you are wrong. I didn't do it...God did it and so much more. He was the one that worked through me and made life go forward. You see, there was no more of me left. No more of me to go on and do what had to be done. I have had various people come and ask me how going to school and working and raising 4 kids by myself was and how hard was it for me to do. My answer to them is "I don't know how I did it". Life was such a blur and I honestly don't know. I do know that I was carried by an awesome God that brought me through some fiery times. Somehow we have made it this far and I for one am truly amazed. God has shown me what I am capable of with him leading the way. He has shown me a little glimpse of who he intended me to be. He promises us that he will never give us more than we can handle although I was sure questioning that not too long ago. And don't get me wrong I am not blowing my horn by any means. These ducks of mine have got a long way to go to be anywhere close to being in a row. But I can tell you that I can better describe who I am now. I think the best way that I can describe me is... better than I was and not as good as I will be.