Who am I? A question that I have been trying to figure out as you might have seen by my profile. There are the obvious definitions of me being a mother, a nurse and almost divorced, but am slowly figuring out that there is so much more and to tell you the truth I am kind of liking me. I think that sometimes we as women often give so much of ourselves to the benifit of our husbands and children that we forget to give to our own being. Forget to remember what we like and don't like. Forget sometimes how to think outside our little box called our family. And when we are forced to look at who we are deep down inside, past the laundry,making wholesome nutritious meals, playing chauffeur and so on, we have almost forgotten who we really are. At least I did.
Two and a half years ago I was placed in just that very position. I had to figure out who I was and what I was really made of, and in turn who God was inteneding me to be. And to tell you the truth I didn't like what I saw, because I was sure that I wouldn't be able to survive. I didn't think that I had what it was going to take to be the sole caregiver of my 4 kids and somehow survive financially. How would I get through the schooling that was all of a sudden so neccesary to our survival? I even though that I might have to move the kids up to Prince George to live with my mom. (can you imagine?)
This is when you probably think that after 2 1/2 years that I did have what it took and we have survived....but I will have to tell you that you are wrong. I didn't do it...God did it and so much more. He was the one that worked through me and made life go forward. You see, there was no more of me left. No more of me to go on and do what had to be done. I have had various people come and ask me how going to school and working and raising 4 kids by myself was and how hard was it for me to do. My answer to them is "I don't know how I did it". Life was such a blur and I honestly don't know. I do know that I was carried by an awesome God that brought me through some fiery times. Somehow we have made it this far and I for one am truly amazed. God has shown me what I am capable of with him leading the way. He has shown me a little glimpse of who he intended me to be. He promises us that he will never give us more than we can handle although I was sure questioning that not too long ago. And don't get me wrong I am not blowing my horn by any means. These ducks of mine have got a long way to go to be anywhere close to being in a row. But I can tell you that I can better describe who I am now. I think the best way that I can describe me is... better than I was and not as good as I will be.
5 comments:
Your awesome God did carry you through, there's no human way to have done it. Your kids get to see such a great example of what a Godly mom looks like, and they would have anyway down the road I'm sure, but it's just so unfortunate that this was the way they DO get to see it. But like you said to me yesterday, he isn't the guy you married. That guy is gone.
You're doing so great - I wish I had better words but they're getting stuck at the lump in my throat.
{{hugs}}
You know what I see? I see love. I see the Father's love shining thru you. "Bring up your children in the ways they should go, and they will not depart from it..."
We pray for you and your clan.
The only identity we need, is to be know as "a follower of Jesus"
and you iz.
I kind of like you the way you are too. I've seen a whole lot of Jesus in your walk and it's been a real witness to me how He has carried you and you have accepted it. You certainly have ministered to me when you though all you were doing was keeping your head above water. Now I've had the pleasure of seeing what the butterfly looks like.
The colors are brilliant!
Awesome!!! That is what I think of when I realize the growth that I have been able to witness in your life. God has carried you but YOU CHOSE to LET HIM!!!!!
All the talks and the walks we took in the past years and the conversations and concerns that were from yesterday are but a mere memory now. The overwhelming thoughts of you accomplishing school and how the kids would be...God worked it all out.
Thanks for sharing your heart and being so transparent.....keep it up girl. God has a great future in store for you with new hopes and NEW DREAMS.
Hey W.
I don't know you, but I want to thank you for your honesty and openness; it is an inspiration.
Isn't it awesome when we truely give our lives to God and strive to glorify Him. We finally see a glimpse of the amazing person He created each of us to be.
Continue on your journey! You will grow more beautiful, strong and fabulous each day!
Blessings,
A.
PS>> Thanks for being a great role model for your children! I had a great Mom to look up to and it truely made a huge difference in the person I have become.
Post a Comment