Christmas Sucks!

Well, anyboody who knows me know that I am not a big fan of Christmas. And since christmas is just around the corner, I am once again reminded of how much I dislike it. It isn't the celebration of our Savior's birth that I dislike so please don't be blogging me in horror of this travesty. It isn't the family get togethers that I don't like about it...although they have gotten rather stressful in the past. I don't think it was until last night that I finally came to the conclusion for the majority of my dissatisfaction with the holiday.
The minor part of my dislike with holiday would have to be the materialism that it represents. I think that I am really feeling that right now as a single mom of 4 kids that have rather expensive tastes. They have visions of ipods and other electronic gadgets dancing in their pretty little heads, way out of my league for this year. I know that is partly my fault for playing along with the bigger better present game in the past. My ex husband and I really conditioned them to be the way they are as the big Christmas $$$ was really a big part for his family. But now it is only me to provide the presents under the tree (and you all thought that it was Santa didn't you), a job almost too overwhelming at times. With that being said, let me share with you that backing up the bus is way more difficult that going forward.
I think the bigger thing that I dislike about the holiday is it brings back some unpleasant memories. It was 3 years ago today that my husband left us for a bigger better life that I we could no longer provide for him. (Enough said!)
Unfortunately I have been grumpy with the kids and as a result they have really pushed my buttons. I have to tell you that I can understand why some mammals eat their young. This morning I told son #2 that if I wasn't home today after school it was because I had found where mothers hand in their resignations. He quickly replied to me that was ok if I wanted to be a pansy like dad and leave them too. I guess that isn't an option!
The quickly arriving holiday season should be bringing us joy and good cheer and for some reason it feels like impending doom. I guess the thing is that I really need to work on is the attitude...either that or start drinking more. Maybe I will start with the drinking and see if the attitude will improve. I will get back to you after Iattempt to get festive with a little Bailey's in my coffee and let you know how it is working.